My GPS Is Trying to Kill Me

My GPS has a major attitude problem and is possibly homicidal. Here is an sample of a typical 'conversation' between GPS lady voice and I:

GPS: Turn left in 300 yards.

Me: Okay

GPS: Turn left in 200 yards.

Me: Okay, I got it.

GPS: Turn left in 100 yards.

Me: I got it, left.

GPS: Turn left.

Me: Wait, the road is closed off.

GPS: Turn left!

Me: I can't.

GPS: TURN LEFT!!! (display flashing obnoxiously)

Me: Sorry, I have to drive straight. You will just have to reposition yourself.

GPS: Turn left at the very next opportunity.

Me: It's a motorway now. I can't turn anywhere.

GPS: Follow along the road for some time.

Me: Well, duh.

GPS: ^beep beep static beep^ (translation: you are so dead. wait till later when we are alone and in the countryside).

Later that night whilst driving pals home....I put in new coordinates , but first we have to find our way out of the Glasgow one way system.

GPS: Turn around at the first opportunity.

Me: Dead end street, got it.

GPS: Follow along the road.

Me: It's a gated park , dude.

GPS: ^silence^

Me: So, which way.

GPS: ^beep beep^ (translation: don't rush me)

GPS: Turn right. Then turn left.

Me: Again: gated park.

GPS: Turn Left.

Me: Nope.

GPS. Turn Left!

Me: I said no, you stupid women.

GPS. iamgoingtokillyou ^beep^

Me: What??

GPS: Turn right, then turn right.

Me: Okay.

GPS: Turn turn right.

Me: Good. What is with the stutter?

GPS: Matrix is reset.

Me: Huh??

GPS: Turn right at the next opportunity.

Me: Um, I think that is a circle. I am going to keep on driving.

After a long time, we find the motorway and everything is fine until it tells us to go the opposite direction after the motorway.

Me: Just turn the thing off.

Pal: No, I want to see what it says. (followed by giggling and constant mimicing of the device..all in good fun).

I drop off said pals and program GPS to take me from their town to mine. I really don't know where I am at this point and the motorway actually goes in the wrong direction. I go ahead and follow GPS directions for a while, despite being in the dark countryside on B road that I have never been on before. Until it asks me to turn down a really dark semi-paved road with no sign on it.

GPS: Turn left 300 yards. hehehe

Me: But, where does it go?

GPS: Turn left 200 yards. You know you want to.

Me: No, I don't. I think it is out of the way.

GPS: Turn left 100 yards. Because I said so.

Me: I'm unsure.

GPS: Turn left. I have a surprise for you.

Me: I don't think that is a good idea. I don't see any signs. What road is this?

GPS: Turn Left!

Me: Sorry, no can do.

GPS: Turn left at the first opportunity.

Me: Looks like no turns for a while, sorry.

GPS: ^sigh^ follow the road ahead for 4 miles.

Me: Sure, but I'm on to you.

2 miles later....

GPS: Turn right at the next junction.

Me: But, you said 4 miles. It hasn't been that long.

GPS: I know a better way. Turn right.

Me: Um, its a lake.

GPS: Nah, you're just tired. Turn right.

Me: No, the moonlight is shining off the water.

GPS: Its just a puddle really. A deep puddle, with a gate and some grass around it, but really turn right. I would not steer you wrong. he he he.

I continue forward on the road.

GPS. Damn! Follow the road ahead for 3 miles then turn a sharp left.

By the time I get to the 3 mile point, I am on a cliff, a steep cliff with no road leading up to it. You guessed it. I did not turn there either.

Eventually this road led to a road that I did know and I got home safely.

I think GPS will just have to settle on causing fights between Andy and I. It has not grown smart enought to kill me....yet. (Cue mechanical laughter...and fade).

The New King of Scotland...at least for one minute.

Although I have been here for over 3 years, I had not visited Stirling until quite recently. We took the 'A' road option rather than the highway for the drive over and enjoyed the scenery with two of our friends. Please click on any of the below photos to enlarge them.



Throughout the grounds there are many structures with unicorns on them. I am unsure why. This was a refurbished statue within the castle area.







One view from the castle partially shows a graveyard. It sounds grusome but the view is actually quite lovely.







Here is the entrance to the castle. I guess I should have put this first!

Please rise for the new King of Scotland: Andrew Davies! Wait, isn't that a Welsh name? Nope, I am sorry sir, you do not qualify.

All of the castle and its grounds were wonderful. I think I was most impressed with the great hall. The picture does not do it justice as it is higher than you can imagine for this type of structure.

Next Issue: The wee lambs are born! We shall try to get some pics of them before they get too big to be cute.

European Vacation

IT'S BIG BEN KIDS!! No, actually, it is not as we went out of the U.K. this time. Click on any of these photos to enlarge.

This is one of the views from our hotel in Austria. There was not as much snow as we would have liked, but the views were still stunning.

This was taken on a rail trip up into the Alps. We finally saw some snow by this point.

Actually, there was a lot of snow! As you can see, it was almost pure white by the time we got to the top of this particular mountain. The structure on the left is a buried house and you can just see the roof.

We did get to spend some time in Germany, though it was definitely not enough time. Check out the painting on this building. We saw several examples of this in Lindau.

Out of all the views, I saw this one the most. I was convinced that after this trip, Andy would no longer be able to put down his arm. This was taken in a town where we had dinner one night. We thought it was France, because we were traveling to France. It was actually Germany, so no wonder the waitress looked at me funny when I tried to speak to her in French. It was also one of the very few things I can almost say in French (Omelette du fromage...please forgive spelling as I never said I could spell in French) !

Next Issue: A local castle and the new king of Scotland?